The New Black Is Rehab

Michael Lohan & Probably Not Drinkin’ Buds

Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael is working as a religious minister helping young people kick addictions to drugs and alcohol, with actor Stephen Baldwin. Lohan began his training while serving a two year prison sentence for “aggravated unlicensed driving” and attempted assault.

After his release in March he began working in Long Island, New York – with born-again Christian Baldwin, part of the famous acting clan.

Lohan says, “I took a correspondence course while I was away and am now credentialed to be a minister. I’m not licensed or what you call officially ordained, but I am certified.”

“Will I stay where I am right now, or am I going to go further into ministry or what, I can’t quite say. It depends on where things are going. But I want to give back. I want to rescue young people. I want to help them. I want to show them the way. I’m a drug, alcohol and rehab counselor. It’s called Teen Challenges. And working here side by side with me is Stephen Baldwin.” (Where’s Chris?)

FATHER KNOWS BEST – MIKE LOHAN SPEAKS

What do we think here at Popular Alcoholics? Did you watch the movie? Me thinks the wife-beater, cross tattoo, and lap track are pretty lame props. And, well, nice words, but a little way too late. I mean, all of a sudden, ever since Lindsay hopped the curb on Sunset Boulevard a couple of days ago, here’s Mike: “I’m here, for you honey, I’ve always been here for you. You know that. I’ve never wanted anything from you honey. Please call, I love you, Mommy loves you, and your brothers love you.”

Geez, meh, sappy! We know a good “whiskey wheeze” when we hear one. With all Lindsay’s money and the new found “Religious” connections to the “Hollywood Hooch” via the “Baldwin Boyz,” I see a real estate deal on the horizon. Look for a “Passages East” in the Hamptons where all these “Right Coast” troubled teens without troubled trust funds can drop a coin in the fountain of rejuvenation, Hallelujah! After all, rehab is the new “black,” you know, and Mike couldn’t have a better “spokes-model” than Lindsay, falling over backwards into his lap. Imagine the repeat biz, not to mention referrals! The west coast “Sot Spa” market is overbuilt, and the better chefs are in Manhattan anyhow. Wait and see!

“STARDOM + BOOZE = POPULAR ALCOHOLICS”